if it’s not yours…

Have you ever hankered after something that you can’t have?

When I was young with chronic bronchitis, I used to hanker after ice cream so much. Of course, my mother would have none of it. Her word was law. Did I say “was”? Oops… “is”, I mean.  Don’t get me wrong. I was no pale lily. Bronchitis or not, I would be out there playing with the neighbourhood boys. Climbing in and out of drains. Playing catching. Eating sand. Matching them silly action after action! Hmmm… who’s the dumb one, now?

No “masak-masak” (Malay term for “playing house”) until the bouts were upon me. Cough till the face turned green. Lungs popping out of the mouth. Well, if it could get pass the oesophagus. Phlegm no better colour. Fever from infection. Trip to the family doctor ad nauseam. Literally for me! Well, for mum too.

So I don’t blame her with the endless cycle of robust activity interspersed with vomitting yellow phelgm. Ok… too much info. So yearn as much as I could and would … no ice cream materialised (so much for the “laws of attraction” ) The rule was bent only once a year. Chinese New Year was the celebration of celebrations. Even then, no Ben and Jerry’s or Haagen Dazs. Just the Ah Pek (“old uncle” in Hokkien) on his three-wheeled motorised cart, clanging the ice cream bell. Such music to my ears. It heralded the oh so cold, cold Magnolia ripple – yup no favourite chocolate flavour – too heaty. No matter, it’s ice cream sandwiched between two pieces of crispy biscuit!. Mmmmmmm…. heaven.

Those were the growing up years.

I was just thinking recently. What do we do now when we want something we shouldn’t have. It’s not ice cream for me these days (could be for you! ). I turned down an ice cream treat as I was coughing. Abstinence from ice cream is a piece of cake these days.

But what about something bad for the health, your career, your finances, your well-being, your life? Do we have the discipline to refrain?

In this age of getting what you see. Getting what you want. Getting immediate gratification. What do we do?

No more mum to hold the “gun to your head”. Figuratively speaking, of course. (No case of child abuse here…moving on).

I know some people who make a “life” in their minds (literally!) of whatever it is they hanker after. And sometimes, they live more in that made-up world than the reality. Is it a measure of weakness? Is it the inability to face reality? Is it the only safe route?

Or people who will stop at nothing till they get what they want. God forbid if you get in their way.

My grandma used to say, “what’s not yours, is not yours”. No amount of wishing, or dreaming, or fantasising will bring it to you. (As an aside… sometimes brute will and force does get you there). Whatever it is, I guess the question is, will it be worth it?

Don’t know about you but I think I’ll stick to grandma’s wise old adage. Don’t hanker after things you can’t or don’t have. Just enjoy and treasure what you already have. And sometimes… ice cream does come your way, once a year!

this plank is in my “brother’s” eye :p …

Why is it that we do not see the fault in ourselves? We are so quick to jump to conclusions and accuse someone of a wrongdoing but can’t seem to see ours. Remember the plank in your eye versus the speck in your brother’s?

In this world, the opposite seems to apply. I read somewhere that pyschologically, we expect other people to do what we would do, so we do it to them first!

The more insecure and critical the person, the more accusations are hurled. The more the blame game. All these have a root in the “sub-conscious” mirror. Except that folks who act on these negative thoughts do not reflect on their own actions. What really gets my goad is they hold up a mirror to others and do not hold it up to themselves!  They think they have every right to act the way they do. Even if it borders on bullying.

True story. I had exit East Coast Parkway Expressway at Marine Parade and began to slow down at the slip road towards Marine Parade Road. A van (like a Kangoo van) coming from the East Coast service road into the Marine Parade slip road, (read minor road), approached the junction. He hesitated when he saw me and stopped at the junction so I picked up speed. As I was approaching the junction, something possessed him to come out!! at snail’s pace! I literally had to jam my break to stop just a hair’s breath from his van. I’m not sure if he knew what I had to do to avoid a collision. Then I had to follow behind him as we were on a one-lane carriageway. At the point the slip road split into two lanes, the driver of the van took the right lane and I sped up to slightly over 50km/h (imagine how slowly he was going) on the same lane, as the road ahead was clear! Anyway, I thought all was well. Little did I know the saga had not ended.

The other driver had tried to speed up to me in the next lane and caught up with me because I had stopped at the traffic junction. I ignored him. But do you know what he did? He honked at me long and hard over and over and over. When I finally turned (my mistake) to look, he gesticulated angrily. What the…, right?

He dawdled out of a minor road and caused me to slow down when I had the right of way. I had to jam break hard to avoid a collision. Ironically, it would have been my fault if I had hit him! He travelled at snail’s speed on the one-lane road so I had to crawl behind him. He moved to the right lane so I sped up as the road ahead was clear. Then he honked and gesticulated at me!

I mouthed the words, “You cut into my lane!!” and then stopped, as I didn’t think him worth my energy and also partly because the light had turned green. I decided to drive off to avoid further antagonism from a big (think buff) man. But who showed himself to be very, very, very small-minded. (Anything else, small, I’m thinking of, will remain in my thought bubble)!

Ok I held the mirror up to myself and still concluded but “What the…!?”? The plank was in his eye. This time I had the speck. Right?

There are plenty more in the “archive” where this came from. Do you have these type of “tor huik” stories? (“Tor huik”, Hokkien – chinese dialect – for “vomit blood!”). Spill!