where the sky ends and the water begins ….

where the sky ends and the water begins...

What I saw when I shot this? Well, rather what I thought when the picture was taken.

Where the sky ended and the water in the pond begins? Was the fish in the pond or in the sky? Is what you see really what it is? Was this fish the only one in its watery world? Or in a place in the sky?

Was this fish pondering the same question? Or perhaps it was just struggling to survive.

What you see of the lone fish is only half the picture. The other half is all the giant koi rushing towards the vibrations of human feet from where they think they will get their next feed.

cornered....

Pushed to a corner for their survival. Were they the real survivors?

Like life.

Where life starts and ends is blurred. What’s left is the survival. And who survives.

     

Look who’s waiting by the sidelines. Can’t see? Look again. Making a move now…

one splash and what's left is the spectre of the giant koi

What a splash! What a manoeuvre…

Like life. There are those who wait patiently by the sidelines. Then in one fell [swoosh] they make a move leaving others in their wakes, their watery trail of dust.

it's not always beauty who gets there first...

So who survives? Don’t discount the beast (we won’t go into “define beauty” at this point) alongside with the beauty … at the end.

Where does the water in the pond end and the sky begin? Is it a watery world or a place in the sky?

You tell me.

PS: Pictures taken with iPhone 3GS at Changi General Hospital Koi pond where my niece was hospitalised for colitis this past Lunar New Year. We had wheeled her from her ward for some fresh air.

Such “inspired” thoughts from her aunt.

Thank you, my friend…

I’ve been thinking. Why does it take death to shout “live better”.  I mean we know we are born one day and one day we will die.  No exceptions.

So why does it take bad news, difficult situations for us to take stock? Even then, the effects are not permanent. We have such short memories. We get burned. We feel the pain. When the pain is gone, we forget.

Until it’s a death looming … in whatever form.

Maybe it’s the end of life as we know it and whatever beliefs we subscribe to, we are going into the big unknown. We don’t know what’s coming to us. Particularly since the lessons learnt while on this side of the divide, are short-lived. As such, we probably strive to make amends more conscientiously to garner some last minute brownie points.

Does it work that way?

I lost a dear friend recently. And seeing how he lived, full of courage and faithful till the end, inspired me. He seemed to have come to an equilibrium with his Creator God. He told us that his illness was a wake up call to things more eternal. Nothing matters when we leave this earth. Not the stars and the stripes we earned. Not fame and fortune. Nor the blinks and branded bags. Nor beauty which fades. Or a physical body that wastes away. (I wonder what happens to botoxed faces and lifted body parts? )

Naked we come into the world and naked we leave. We can’t take anything with us.

So why do we place so much premium on things? Have such a penchant for man’s approval and praise? Pursue success and wealth above all else?

My friend challenged me to live well when he told me he was terminally ill and sharing his regret in life. He said not to wait for something earth-shattering to happen to learn to live better. Since then, I have been reminding myself whenever I feel that I have been dealt a bad hand, to remember what matters.

My friend would happily have accepted any of the “bad hands” I’ve been dealt with, for a second chance at life. To live well without the encumberance of a life sentence over his head. To prioritise life the way it should be for him – a restored relationship with his God. To show his family he loved them not only by working hard to provide for them but to be present for them in the big things and the little things too. To use his ability to extend help to his larger community. And even the seemingly mundane, like to eat in moderation and to exercise and keep healthy.

He finished well. My friend. But he told us to live well. Not that he didn’t. He lived life with a fervour and passion, not many can attest to. Whatever, he pursued, he excelled in. Whether it was his studies, his career, family, football, helping needy, wayward kids… well, pretty much anything he touched. He was driven and disciplined but he reminded us it is vain glory, things done in the flesh.  But immortal, when done with a perspective of eternity.

He inspired me. My friend. He stormed through the finish line. Maybe not in his beleaguered, mortal body. But in spirit.

I want this lesson to stick. I hope in the spirit that this will not be a flash in the pan. I want to finish well from a race well-run. It is, after all, the journey, that takes us to the final destination.

Thank you, my friend. Rest now.

Published on 270711 on what would have been his 47th birthday.

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perspectives…

Perspectives.  It’s been on my mind a lot these days.

I’ve come down to this… it has to do with our standpoint.  Approach and attitude to things and the sentiment we attach to them.

• You lose a precious diamond ring to a snatch thief but your ring finger is still intact.
• You can’t travel for a well-earned and much anticipated holiday because your doctor caught an ailment before you left that required immediate treatment.  You lost your holiday of a lifetime but you live to speak of it.
• You lose a business opportunity but save a good friendship.

And many, many more scenarios that you probably can think of.

But my perspective is that attitudes have taken a material change.  I’m not sure if we even stop to think about the “what ifs” anymore.  There doesn’t appear to be a what if scenario. Everything just IS…. No cause and effect “If this were, therefore that” scenarios.  Just this IS ….

I’ve been thinking about where that comes from.  Whether it is a mentality that “takes” without considering the “give”. Things are just appropriated.  Everything has become a right.  There is nothing else to consider.  No flip side (unless you talk about flipping a property :p).  No other value or sentiment attached.

So we lament the loss of the diamond ring without considering the finger could have gone along with it.  We whine a holiday interrupted forgetting the risk of being dangerously ill in a foreign land.  Mourn a business opportunity lost without a second thought of betraying a friend.

The premium it appears is not on worth but cost.  I think that’s precisely it.  It is no more about the sentiment attached to how we approach things.  It’s been reduced to the lowest common denominator … cost.  What does it cost?  Not its worth.  Not how you value a finger (now wipe those rude thoughts from your head ).  A friendship. A life.  But the cost of the diamond, the holdiay, the opportunity cost of the business.

A friend and I were having a poignant discussion about this a couple of days ago. Underlying it all is what really matters to us.  Looking at things in perspective got her to release something she had held on to. Whether it had started from sentimental reasons, or she had held it due to ego, confusion and hurt from a betrayal , it did not matter anymore.

What really matters … always confronts us at the face of death; because it really should be about that one life we have and how we live it.  It is something so simple and salient but always forgotten.  When you think of someone fighting for his/her life, with a courage and dignity beyond measure, things just get clearer.  Everything else pales in comparison.  And there doesn’t appear any reasons to whine and moan anymore.  Suddenly counting the cost is as what it should be.  Not in monetary terms but the real value that gives it meaning.

It’s like the rain had come overnight and we wake up to a fresh new world. The old worldview totally washed away (hopefully that lasts for more than that moment).

At the heart of it, does it matter if we get or do not get everything exactly according to our worldview and expectations? At what price?…. To what end?  Is it eternal?

A tooth for a tooth?…

I recently had an accident with an already fractured pre-molar.  The pain that emanated round the cavern of the mouth when that happened was indescribable!  It felt like my ears would pop out!

If I could draw (which I can’t but I have a decent imagination ), the pain signals would be like those cartoon images where they depict sonar pulses that capture the sound of vessels or echoes underwater… :p

The pain echoed round the mouth.  And you will appreciate echoes of pain is none too funny. Unlike the cartoon echoes at some “Echo Point” or other that yells back… Hello..o..o..o.o….. You don’t want “Hello” echoing to this pain.

Well, the long and short of it is that the fracture’s too deep and the tooth couldn’t be saved ie: can’t do a root canal and crowning to preserve it.  So out it had to come and some form of replacement tooth will go in its place.

I was just thinking (and a friend would probably say, I overthink everything..what could one possibly ruminate over a lost tooth?)… but as I was saying… :p … I was thinking that it wasn’t just the loss of a tooth.

Besides my three wisdom teeth (which everybody loses), I have not lost any adult tooth prior to this.  And it seems at this point a reminder of time passing.  Really quickly at that!

Losing something permanent just seems well… permanent!  It’s like a death. (Pardon me, those in more dire situations than this… my heart goes out to you. It’s metaphorical for me, I admit, but too real for you.)  So figuratively speaking, I was saddened (for awhile) and mourned inwardly, for the loss, but I rebounded. Particularly remembering those with greater loss or threatened loss of life and limb. At least, mine could be replaced.  Artificial or otherwise.  I was reminded to look on the bright side – “after it is fixed”, I was told, “the tooth will be virtually indestructible”.  Any superhero with an indestructible tooth that can save the world?

The next loss from the dead pre-molar (it was literally dead) … food!!!  I miss food!!! I was on a liquid diet (exacerbated by a very, very bad flu), then soft diet in between all the consultations!  Those who know me would know that would be the greatest torture.  Now you know. Don’t bother about electrocution with me.  Just withhold food, I’ll spill all!

BUT and yes it’s quite a big one… the butt (apologies to those more refined) shrank. I lost quite a bit of weight.  Now that’s one loss I won’t be mourning.  BUT and yes, the double TT might make its grand reappearance when I go back to my normal diet. But it will be a glorious return.  I will never be hungry again. :p  I look forward to that.  My sister’s promised a glorious chap goh mei meal!  Yay!!

PS:  To all those who are suffering through loss, a thousand apologies.  It must be really dark times.  I make light, only, of my plight.

reflections ….

reflections. West Lake, Hangzhou

I was reminded recently by a friend, that there are people who have very different views of themselves and their actions, than others have of them.  Normally, a better view.

As ego maniacal as it seems, it is true.  There are many with unhealthy doses of their own self-image because they do not self reflect.  It’s about being self-aware.  For the unitiated, this does not mean a painful “I-me-myself” perspective, which we see so much of these days; but it would actually keep away this kind of selfish mindset.

There are people who do not self reflect as much as they reflect on others and their faults.  These “other” reflectors pick at everything with a fine tooth comb where it concerns others, whether superficial or in their own estimate, deep but stop short at repeating the same on themselves.  If we don’t reflect on ourselves and our actions, I wonder whether we can have a healthy estimate of ourselves, let alone, others. 

Being self aware requires knowing the good, the bad and the ugly, in us.  Gasp… Did I just hear an inaudible ‘gasp’?   When was the last time you looked in the mirror?

Do we really know who we are, what makes us tick, what our trigger buttons are and how to manage all of it in the different context of life.  Granted, we tend to be more bad and uglier, with those who have no choice but to accept us – like the families we are born into ;) but even that is part of self-awareness.  Ultimately, the self-reflections are to lead to more accurate well, reflections, of ourselves.  Whether we want to change (normally one assumes “wanting to” equates to change for the better) is another issue.    It’s “shiok” for others, especially if your triggers affect them adversely, to know you know your bad points; rather than cope with the shock of disbelief that you think you are good (full stop).  Give them some satisfaction.  Call it.  Call a spade a spade. 

reflections. Zhu Jia Jiao Water Village

If you can’t call it.  Then ask others.  Start at the very place where you can observe the most ugly of behaviours and are always forgiven.  Presuming of course, yours is a functional family – loving, giving, forgiving and honest.  Unlike those who say you can sing and dance when you actually bray and waddle.  No offence – we each have our core skills. 

Or if your families are as maniacal as you, then what about good friends or good, old friends you grew up with and couldn’t give a damn about massaging your ego.  Unlike those suckers up that you might be tempted to hang around with now because they say whatever you want to hear;  Assuming that you have moved up the ladder of prosperity.  If not, those suckers up sure won’t be hanging around you. 

The net of it is this, you might look into the mirror and think you see manicured lakes (aided by your own lack of self awareness or non reflective suck up reflectors) but in effect you might be an unmanicured river.   No offence to the river.   It’s just about getting a complete picture.  An accurate reflection.  Pretty or not; to change or not, it’s up to you. 

Although, I think, if you can get to that point of self-reflection, you are as good as the next step.