Mind your Ps…

Did you know there is chi chi Parisian chic in Shanghai and there is Pyjama party allure too? 

Alongside, dog-toting, high-heeled, exotic-print skin (no offence to animal lovers) sandals, someone else is walking around all decked out in red and black stripe pyjamas, silk none less, with matching black dress shoes, at a high-end suburb. 

Or a fashion statement, draped on the arm of a non-chinese man, with long, black silky hair bouncing against a slim back clothed in the latest trench coat for spring versus cotton draped, knee-length pyjamas and a head full of curlers with high heeled slippers, on the back of a scooter.  

No offence to Shanghai.  In fact, I like this quirkiness about it.  Gives spring in Shanghai its pizzaz!

What would be nice for OCDs like me, and this applies not only to Shanghai, but anywhere in the world where public washrooms are none too sanitary, would be clean public washrooms; With non-exposed soiled napkins (not the sanitary ones offered in restaurants),  without the aroma of ammonia-based liquids, flushed cisterns with no evidence of digested morsels through another channel opening south of the border … (I could go on, but you get the picture).

I swear I see pained faces walking around looking parched like in the desert for lack of water, knees turned inwards magically hoping to hold the forces of nature within.    The issue at hand is the very same OCD masochists will continue to travel to exotic destinations as other experiences outweigh any misgivings of public sanitation.

So while the world plays catch up to OCD standards of hygiene, here’s the OCD SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) as you make your way around the world.  Please note this SOP only concerns itself with holding the pee in and will not be liable for any ill-effects thereof.  It is by no means exhaustive as I am a true believer of item #1, so please add on to the list, to help fellow sufferers out there.   

  1. At the pinnacle of discipline – Remain dehydrated.  Do NOT drink any water AT ALL in the course of the day. It also presupposes that accommodation meets OCD requirements (which is a topic for another day) and as such keep drinking rampages only to the night when safely ensconced in decent guest house with good sanitation.
  2. Where the spirit is willing but flesh is WEAK (tsk, tsk) drink water only occasionally, one gulp at a time after long intervals, just to wet the lips. 
  3. Substitute water with fruits to hydrate yourself if you need.  Please note that this too poses some danger especially fruits like oranges, so a bite of an apple every hour should do the trick.
  4. Even if steps 1, 2 or 3 are adhered to and you have a weak bladder,  turn knees inward.  This does not do anything for you but warns people around you not to make you laugh.
  5. If you have the means and you are in the city, find a high-end restaurant so you can eat and do the pee deed.
  6. If in rural areas, bring a “sarong” and a friend.  Get as far out into the open as you can as far away from the actual outhouses.  Get into the sarong that your friend will hold up (peeking is a lesser risk than snakes) and do the deed south of where he/she is standing.  You don’t want to lose a friend.
  7. ?

More on how to mind your P…..?  Fire away.


5 thoughts on “Mind your Ps…”

  1. I have just one suggestion and it is to use a cathether, then you be no longer be pee-challenged. Not only can your drink all the water you want and stay hydrated, you can even have all the beer you want. Maybe this is a service airlines can offer when passengers do not get their requested aisle seat on a 17 hour non-stop flight.
    Oh wait…..where does the cathether go…..err…..ok, nevermind, I will live with that urge.

  2. 7. I have personally found that I hold my pee better when I am seated, so if I ever holiday in Pee-unfriendly countries, I will rent a wheelchair !
    8. While I was a recruit in the army, my platoon sergeant always told us to use a rubber band…..he never showed us how …… One day I had a brain wave and figured it out….. idea was to inflict pain by striking your ear with the rubber band so that it distracts you from the urge to pee 😛 …..what were you thinking? hahaha
    9. When you get really desparate, chew on dry crackers…theory is it gets into your stomach and should act like silica gel to soak up the liquid and moisture in your stomach, hence less free-fluid in your system.

    1. i was thinking this is a blog rated “G”… phew! :p

      thanks for the very useful suggestions 😉

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