reflections ….

reflections. West Lake, Hangzhou
reflections. West Lake, Hangzhou

I was reminded recently by a friend, that there are people who have very different views of themselves and their actions, than others have of them.  Normally, a better view. 😮

As ego maniacal as it seems, it is true.  There are many with unhealthy doses of their own self-image because they do not self reflect.  It’s about being self-aware.  For the unitiated, this does not mean a painful “I-me-myself” perspective, which we see so much of these days; but it would actually keep away this kind of selfish mindset.

There are people who do not self reflect as much as they reflect on others and their faults.  These “other” reflectors pick at everything with a fine tooth comb where it concerns others, whether superficial or in their own estimate, deep but stop short at repeating the same on themselves.  If we don’t reflect on ourselves and our actions, I wonder whether we can have a healthy estimate of ourselves, let alone, others. 

Being self aware requires knowing the good, the bad and the ugly, in us.  Gasp… Did I just hear an inaudible ‘gasp’?   When was the last time you looked in the mirror?

Do we really know who we are, what makes us tick, what our trigger buttons are and how to manage all of it in the different context of life.  Granted, we tend to be more bad and uglier, with those who have no choice but to accept us – like the families we are born into 😉 but even that is part of self-awareness.  Ultimately, the self-reflections are to lead to more accurate well, reflections, of ourselves.  Whether we want to change (normally one assumes “wanting to” equates to change for the better) is another issue.    It’s “shiok” for others, especially if your triggers affect them adversely, to know you know your bad points; rather than cope with the shock of disbelief that you think you are good (full stop).  Give them some satisfaction.  Call it.  Call a spade a spade. 

reflections.  Zhu Jia Jiao Water Village
reflections. Zhu Jia Jiao Water Village

If you can’t call it.  Then ask others.  Start at the very place where you can observe the most ugly of behaviours and are always forgiven.  Presuming of course, yours is a functional family – loving, giving, forgiving and honest.  Unlike those who say you can sing and dance when you actually bray and waddle.  No offence – we each have our core skills. 

Or if your families are as maniacal as you, then what about good friends or good, old friends you grew up with and couldn’t give a damn about massaging your ego.  Unlike those suckers up that you might be tempted to hang around with now because they say whatever you want to hear;  Assuming that you have moved up the ladder of prosperity.  If not, those suckers up sure won’t be hanging around you. 

The net of it is this, you might look into the mirror and think you see manicured lakes (aided by your own lack of self awareness or non reflective suck up reflectors) but in effect you might be an unmanicured river.   No offence to the river.   It’s just about getting a complete picture.  An accurate reflection.  Pretty or not; to change or not, it’s up to you. 

Although, I think, if you can get to that point of self-reflection, you are as good as the next step.

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4 thoughts on “reflections ….”

  1. gee… i want! i want! … gimme that simple life :p maybe he means “simplify”. can’t agree with that more… though a few land parcels will do just as well. 🙂

  2. I agree with you. I have a firend who is in his fifties and never worked a day in his life. Imagine that……His father left him some land and properties and he develops them and makes money as a landlord. He calls it the simple life…….hmmm….give me that simple life. He is one of the most humble people I know. He does not drive a flashy car nor have expensive clothes or accessories. He doesn’t even take holidays abroad because he dislikes flying. If you met him on the streets, he looks like a typical kopi-tiam uncle.
    I also know of other wonderful people from very well to do families who are very nice. However, I noticed that most of them are not in the family business. I wonder if getting into the family business changes things.
    At the end of the day, I guess it is about an individual’s value system. If they are caught up in the greed for power and money, then the become “Darth Vaders”.
    There was an interesting article in the papers on Saturday which listed the qualities of tried and tested good CEOs. They are not likely to be people-oriented and probably even anal retentive 😛 There goes the stuff CEOs say when they are interviewed in the media……they tell the world that they love their people to death……or maybe those interviewed are not really the good one? Hmmmm……

  3. Can’t agree more 2 Cents. For such instances, we can assume the family members will not be good “reflectors”, so they will need to have good friends, good, old friends who don’t give a damn about pandering to their over-inflaed egos, who will stand as a mirror to them. Presuming they are interested in their views anyway. If not, what they see will be the warped self-image based on a privileged lifestyle.

    Although as a caveat, I do have friends from rich households who are lovely people – humble, down-to-earth, not flashy who do self-reflect and consider others’ feedback.

    Then there are those who decide to go it on their own due to different value systems from their families… oh wait a minute, those are mostly too-good-to-be-true, feel-good movies served up by Hollywood 😀 … i guess the lure of a good life is very tempting…

  4. It just occured to me while reading this that reflections can have blind spots. We reflect and gather lessons of these reflections based on our own personal experience. Imagine this….someone is born with a silver spoon in the mouth. He later takes over the family business and has never worked anywhere else. This person has never had to apply for a job, be interviewed for a job, worry about making a good first impression with the boss, deal with the boss’ idiosycracies, worry about providing for the family (assuming the business is doing well), living on a tight budget with mortgages, etc.
    Most of us “mortals” have gone through these phases in our journey through life, but not these “fortunate” ones. I wonder what their view of the world would be.
    Don’t get me wrong. They too have their worries and concerns. Howwver, if they have never gone through the “rite of passage”, it may affect the way they treat others. It is like a very rich person meeting a girlfirend or boyfriend…and the first question in the mind is , “Is he/she after my money?” Then come the pre-nuptials and we all know where that ends up….yes….another pre-nuptial 😛

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