Have you ever had a conversation forced upon you? Even if you didn’t want to eavesdrop, the decibels ensure the conversation flow is unceasing?! Worse if the conversation starts with a pompous-sounding “Now”…. and ends with a condescending “you understand what I mean” or “I tell you”.
I think it must have been punishment for a very chill, relaxing, spa weekend. With everything smooth-sailing from the start, the end had to be the bummer. So yes, the entire 45-minute ferry ride was peppered with someone clearing the throat from phlegm and not throwing it out… I guess the reverse of that is swallowing it back?! Eeeeeewwww…. a teen and pre-teen drumming a tabla (but that lasted only till my friend told them to sock it! hahaha….) and the nightmare conversation!
The conversation, pardon me, the soliloquy was carried out by a youngish 20-something boy (ok, ok technically, a man) trying desperately to prove his worth to a young, impressionable girl (whose origins shall remain a mystery, except to those familiar with a term of reference “boat people”, no disrespect meant).
His selling points were many… but since it was a soliloquy, at best a Q & A, we don’t know if it was bought. I hope not.
- He was there when she broke up
The conversation thread to that went something like this, “Now…who was there for you when you broke up?.. Who? Tell me? Tell me who.” And when there was no response, his emphatic rejoinder came quick and furious, “Me riiiiight?! I tell you ah… I tell you, I didn’t know where you were ok, what to do… so I took a taxi and told the taxi man to go straight to XXX and waited for you…”
- They are the right age for each other
“Now tell me why X and his relationship didn’t work. You know? You don’t know, right…ok let me tell you. How old is X? How old is the girlfriend?” And when the answers came, “How many years apart are they? Ten. How old am I? How old are you?” Again the corresponding ages came, “How many years apart are we? Three! That’s right. Now you know why. Because they are different generation what. Not same level. We both are the same. So can lah.” Right…very convincing.
- He has good fashion sense? Don’t ask me what that has to do with anything… oh! wait a minute, he is fashion guru….from Seng & Beng Fasen
“Eh see that guy on the TV…. did you see, did you see? Aiyah… you missed it.” More inane one-sided droning, “There, there, quick see! He’s wearing the same t-shirt as me. Ahhh…. see I know about fashion oso, right? There are stripes like this (one presumes he is showing horizontal and vertical motions) and like that. [Enlightening!] Then there are stripes on one side… I like the stripes on one side. Very nice, right?” As usual, her response or attempt at trying for some airtime, is not successful and immaterial to the person who is trying to win her heart!! 😮
I can go on with the soliloquy but even I’m getting bored. His goodness is forever. :p He will bring her on holidays once a month after this very “successful” one. For now she will stay with him and his mother for one month. Not to worry about immigration, just tell the person “that you are with me…don’t worry” he says with an air of bravado. Then at immigration, (after the trek from the ferry, where he insisted on walking immediately behind her, to shield her from prying eyes as her dress was billowing in the wind), he was at the fast track lane for citizens, waving to her at the foreigner queue! 😮 I guess that was the only reassurance she was getting. Also, she was not to worry about his mother, “both of you are very alike onnnnee. Simple only, when she cooking right, you just tell her, “Aunty, your food very nice”… can oredi.” 😮 😮 In the same breath, “have you told your mother to call off the matchmaker?”
“Run… boat girl, run!” And that’s what my live-and-let-live friend – normally non eavesdropper and non judgemental – said.