A good friend just left and I am coping with that.
What do you do when you are sad?
Mostly, I pretend that I am not. It is easier that way. Not too many explanations and not too many pity or pithy remarks or binges of self pity, to manage.
I also tend to keep myself busy. Mostly go out and be with people so I am not left alone with my thoughts.
But I think it is not as bad for the people who are left than those doing the leaving. Those left, still pretty much have everything else intact – network, home, environment, except for that gap from the person leaving.
But for those doing the leaving, it is away from all things familiar and the lonely busyness of re-settling including looking for an apartment; making new friends. Even turning on the shower head for hot water or turning on the hob to boil water, are unfamiliar.
It takes way more to leave and to leave behind.
I can’t quite imagine how difficult all that can be as apart from travelling as part of the job and for leisure, I have never quite left home and country.
The good and bad is that we learn to adapt without those who left and those whom we leave. We need to. Part of the resilience of the human spirit is the ability to adapt. That keeps us going. We learn to do without the day-to-day interactions and hopefully hold special thoughts and moments for when we do chat.
Of course, technology has made “chat” quite a different animal from mere long-distance calls. As these were expensive, it used to be that snail mail was the main mode of communication. Now there are e-mails, SMSes and chats are more accessible. Whether with those international calling cards or face-to-face, online chats. Long distance communication now is that much easier, convenient and cheaper; but the ability to remain connected over time and space, is quite a different matter.
Does it erode over time? Maybe. But if the bonds shared are strong, it’s like cycling. Once known, we never quite forget.